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Myths about hiring a Matchmaker (Pt. 1)

Updated: Jul 9, 2023

"I'm going to hire a matchmaker to find me the partner I want - someone who will date me because the Matchmaker put us together. By working with a Matchmaker, I will be able to attract people I wouldn’t be able to attract naturally. I will go on dates with those who would be more inclined to be in a relationship with me because they met me through a matchmaking service."

W R O N G.

This is absolutely false. Working with a Matchmaker (alone) does not give you any extra ability to match with those who you would not normally be able to match with had you met them organically. If your matchmaking service is incorporated with dating coaching, you may be able to learn better ways to present yourself, authentically, to become more attractive to the type of person you are hoping to partner with, however.

Potential matches are not more inclined to date you long-term simply because they met you through a matchmaking service nor are they obligated to. That brings me to another point. Matchmaking is not an arranged marriage service (at least not in the American context - shoutout to the Indian Matchmaker - have you seen that show on Netflix? I think it's wonderful what she does in line with the Indian culture. That's just not what we're doing over here). Matchmaking in the American context is simply a dating service meant to save you time and energy while producing quality matches who align with your dating goals.

On your matchmaking journey, you may run into the type of person you were hoping to meet organically, before using the matchmaking service, and you would have a better chance of potentially dating this person if you have done the work to present yourself in a way that is appealing to them. It's not hiring the Matchmaker that seals the deal, it's you and how you show up on the date.

For example, if you are attracted to people who are very outgoing and social but you are painfully shy, working with a dating coach to learn how to be more interactive and engaging while on a date, may help to secure a second date with a person who has the personality traits you are attracted to, whereas in a natural situation, you may have been too quiet to be noticed by such a person or too timid to engage with them which might, unintentionally, communicate disinterest. While having different personality types does not equate to incompatibility, in social situations, including on dates, the difference may be highlighted and can present as a barrier to connection. Learning skills and tools to communicate interest, as well as foster curiosity about oneself, can help change the outcome of certain interactions - aka GET. THAT. SECOND. DATE.

Realistic expectations are necessary for approaching the matchmaking process if there is any hope for success. Hiring a Matchmaker for the sole purpose of being able to be set up on dates with those you feel you would not be able to organically attract otherwise, is counterproductive and will result in a negative outcome characterized by unsatisfactory date experiences. Basically, you'd be wasting your money.

This also holds true when dealing with attraction. Hiring a Matchmaker does not make you more physically attractive to potential partners. Those your matchmaker will match you with still get to decide whether they find you attractive enough to pursue things further. This is even true for those "with money." Trust me. I have worked with very wealthy six and seven-figure earners who had second dates declined on the hinge of physical attraction. With that being said, I think it’s important to note, for some, that having a certain level of income does not entitle one to a certain level of partner when it comes to attractiveness. While there are some who will date a person because of the amount of money they have, that does not typically lead to a successful, organic, relationship based on compatibility and true interest, and there are still those who will refuse to date someone for anything less than having aligned morals, values, interests, attraction, and compatibility otherwise, which are some of the things I deem necessary for a successful relationship.

So, if you are considering working with a Matchmaker, please take this as an encouragement to approach the process naturally and organically with realistic expectations. At Dating with DeAudra and Two the Coeur, we believe in being realistic and helping individuals engage in natural and organic relationships that have the potential for longevity. Longevity is the long game. Longevity is the end goal. We are not here to stroke egos or sell false ideas about dating. We are in the business of helping you prepare yourself for the relationship you want while increasing your odds of success in dating. We believe that if you do the work, your experience in dating will improve and your chances for success will increase, allowing you to achieve the relationship you desire.

If you are interested in learning more about what it’s like working with a Matchmaker, or you think you are ready to begin your matchmaking journey, submit an inquiry and let’s chat. You can also visit the Two the Coeur page to learn more about the services we offer in conjunction with matchmaking.

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