Dear Reader,
As a divorcee, I understand that those who have never had this experience or lived this part of life have many questions, assumptions, and opinions. What do divorced people think or feel? How do divorced people see marriage? Is it okay to take my partner around a divorcee? Is it safe to talk about my relationship or marriage with someone who is divorced? Can divorced people be trusted? Etc. While you’ll have to make up your own mind about those things, here are 10 things I believe divorcees would want you to know. Maybe these 10 things will help.
A list...
1. Divorced does NOT equal desperate, bitter, angry, or any other negative thing. Divorce is not always a bad thing and sometimes brings about positive feelings.
2. Not all divorced people are sad about their divorce. For some, divorce literally meant freedom and that is something to be celebrated. It will be necessary to navigate the place of transition and the divorcee may mourn the life they used to dream of or the one they even thought they were building but that doesn’t mean being regretful about the divorce itself.
3. Being divorced doesn’t mean being unhappy about or jealous of others who are in relationships or marriages. Love and happiness can be celebrated just as genuinely by a divorcee as they can by a single person or another married person.
4. Every person’s partner is not attractive to divorcees. Divorcees aren’t interested in every person whose path is crossed after the divorce.
5. Being divorced doesn’t make someone a failure. Sometimes things work and sometimes they don’t. Marriage requires a lot of work on both parties’ behalf.
6. Divorcees aren’t secretly hoping for the downfall of other peoples' relationships or marriages. Even if something is mentioned to you about a matter that doesn’t seem right with someone you’re dating or something you’ve shared about your relationship, it doesn’t mean the divorcee is trying to steer you away from love or success. It’s up to you to choose who to trust, consult, or confide in. Divorcees are oftentimes full of wisdom and make for good sounding boards.
7. Divorcees don’t remain single for a long period of time after the divorce is finalized because being divorced means being un-datable. Some choose to heal first and to approach dating with pace to increase the chances for success moving forward.
8. Divorced people aren’t condemned to Hell, even if dating or deciding to remarry.
9. Making the decision to divorce was not a cop-out. Choosing to divorce is not an easy decision to make, though it is sometimes necessary. It is also not a selfish decision though it may require putting oneself first. Even in matters where divorce is the best option, the decision can easily be the toughest, easiest decision to make. Read that again.
10. Choosing to divorce someone doesn’t mean hating them or wishing them ill will. Divorce sometimes simply means choosing self. Moving on and setting boundaries after walking away is necessary for healing. Divorcees set boundaries for protection, not for any point of malice, punishment, revenge, etc.
Sincerely,
A divorcee.